How to Overcome Insecurity in Relationship?

The feeling of being safe and secure is a basic need of everyone. Almost all the actions of people are around the same feeling. At the fundamental level, you can call it a survival instinct.

How safe you are depends not only on where and how you live but with whom you live. It is natural to face fear and feel frustrated when you can’t figure out How to Overcome Insecurity in Relationship.

A short answer is that you’re lonely within and that brings fear. Fear leads to overthinking. and the problem goes on. So be aware, and build confidence, these will help you to believe that your relationship is secure.

But, playing with few words will not solve the problem in the long run.

Hence, I’ve tried to understand the problem and come up with a practical solution.

Before directly jumping into solutions, it’s important to look into the causes and signs of feeling insecure. I’ll quickly go through them.

Let us begin;

What Causes Insecurity in a Relationship?

1. Loneliness:

When you want to be with your loved one but he/she is not interested in you or your topics, you feel nothing is left and you’re lonely.

2. Fear:

Fear is always related to the future. Fear of separation, fear of breaking trust, fear of death, etc. The “What If” kind of thought raises fear.

3. Unfulfilled Needs:

Physical and psychological needs act as a bridge in a strong relationship. Lack of emotional support, financial instability, and physical protection may be a few among them.

Some studies have said low self-esteem causes insecurity as well.

Signs of Insecurities:

1. Craving for Compliments:

There is no problem at all if you feel happy for genuine compliments. But highly depending on the frequency of compliments from your partner tells you that you’re not happy with yourself.

2. Attention Grabbing Attitude:

• Overly or unnecessary usage of your partner’s name, achievements, and positions suggests that you’re not comfortable on your own.
• Expect your partner to be attentive to you most of the time.

3. Perfection in a Wrong Direction:

A lifetime effort to correct the other person the way you want him/her to be. If you are considering the only limitation of your partner, the cause may be insecurity.

These are a few causes and signs from which you can verify your relationship status.

Now it’s time to see in detail how you can get rid of your vulnerability problem.

How to Overcome Insecurity in Relationships?:

I said “easy ways” but the easiness is decided by your approach to the issue and how deeply you want to move away from the conflict.

1. Go to the Root of the Problem:

Till today you might have tried superficial solutions such as;

• Ignoring or accepting insecurity by saying a whole lot of people are not secure in their relationship. So what’s the big deal about it?
• Escaping for a while by indulging in entertainment, hanging with others, etc

It seems a good idea to do so in the short run. But when you return to the person, the problem still exists.

Going to the root means trying to fix the problem where it originates not on its symptoms.

By reading causes and signs of insecurity, you’ve already begun to go to the root. This mindset will help you to solve every relationship problem.

2. Accept Your Imperfections:

What is your definition of a “Perfect Person” as far as a relationship is concerned? Pause reading and answer to yourself.

Usually, these come under imperfection;

a. Physical:

Body image issues like the difference in color, over/underweight, inactive body language, physical health issues if any, or whatever.

b. At the Level of Mind:

• Not having so-called ‘Standard formal education”.
• Poor communication skills.
• I’m not as smart as my partner/friend or any other.

The list will go on. What you need to do is find out whether you are imperfect.

Is there any imperfection in your partner?

Next, differentiate between what you can do and what is beyond your control.

For instance– if you’re an over/underweight person and you’re worried about it. Instead of coping with it, you can begin to work on this, and naturally, you can be a fit person. On the other side, if the color of your body doesn’t come under the perfection set by others, do not waste your time thinking about what to do. Move on.

Similarly in the case of the mind. Analyze and see where you can improve yourself. Having a lot of degree certificates is not important, do accept if you’re lacking here. Communication skill, on the other hand, is not restricted to a few. Learn it.

May I tell you something?

I’m not perfect too. What I’ve observed is that “Perfection is Just a Standpoint”.

3. Fulfill the Needs of the Relationship:

The relationship is a well-designed structure to fulfill the needs of two persons.

What are the needs of a relationship then?

• Physical safety or feeling secure with your partner.
• Financial freedom or proper handling of financial activity.
• Emotional strength for each other.
• Proper setting of priority in a relationship and strictly following them. Things like trust, respect, etc.
• Physical demands- sexual or simply spending quality time together.

Check this out. Is there any scope to improvise?

And also try to understand the difference between needs and wants. What are your needs? Which has nothing to do with the opinion of other eyes.

One more thing to notice here is that different types of relationships have different needs. Hence there is a chance of overlapping from one branch of relationships to another. This may also end up in a feeling of insecurity and difficulty in handling relations.

(Related Read: How to Manage Relationships in Daily Life?)

A rule may simplify the whole complexity of needs, and that rule is Needs are mandatory and wants are optional.

4. Loneliness Vs Solitude:

Loneliness is a negative term. You are said to be lonely when you want to be with your partner but he/she is not willing to or they are unavailable to you for whatever reason.

Solitude means you want to spend time alone. Maybe you want to think of your career, and future in general, or you just need a break from daily torture.

If you feel lonely ask why is it. The reason may be genuine.

For instance – the career of you or your partner may force you to live apart. Of course, career switching is not so easy and comfortable. If both of you are okay with the consequences, switching or finding alternatives may be a good solution.

Loneliness arising out of negligence is a serious matter and do not ignore it. Calmly and clearly communicate this with your partner.

Next time when you feel lonely, see whether is it possible to observe it and you may find yourself in solitude.

5. Involve in Verbal Communication:

As I observed people around me, they were waiting for the other person to understand us without uttering a word.

What about you?

You might have watched some TV shows or programs in which they examine couples about how much they know each other.

Secretly you may have also done this. That’s fine.

What you need to understand is the exchange of words is far better than simply imagining your partner knows everything or that it is his/her responsibility to take care of everything.

When both of you wait or ignore verbal communication then the distance becomes wider day by day. Then security is just a word.

Initially if you feel uncomfortable with direct communication, use one of the social media apps. Sometimes, an emoji brings a smile more than a real face.

Read SharingShree’s blog post on “Long Distance Relationship Conversation Topics“. There you’ll find some tips to improve communication in relationships.

6. Avoid Useless Comparisons:

Comparison is useless when it is born out of your habit. Let me explain what I mean;

Here I assume You’re a person with good health, a comfortable lifestyle and you have a steady income source. If you compare yourself or your partner with someone much better in terms of what they have, You’ll feel insecure.

Another kind of comparison is related to personality.

For example– Your partner is not interested in posting updates or being active on social media. But it thrills you and you want your partner to join your party. This will inevitably create conflict. Conflict and Security can not exist together.

Today Social Media is a part of our lives. I have no objections to you using social media. But never allow social media to use you.

The comparison works positively only when it is used to learn some knowledge or skills.

7. Be Aware of Third Party Influence:

Just now I mentioned social media’s influence on relationships. The majority of posts are there for the sake of show-off.

When I say the third party, I even include people with whom you share your relationship status and discuss your partner.

Have you noticed a funny thing?

Most of the time when you share your relationship problems with other people, they are not interested in listening to you and finding solutions. They are waiting for their term to explain how good or bad their relationship is. Such conversation leads nowhere.

Do not be a free entertainment object for anyone.

8. Replace Constant Thinking with Constructive Thinking:

Until a problem is resolved thinking process will go on related to that subject. Don’t ask me how to stop thinking. The more you try the more complex it becomes. Then you find yourself in an overthinking (constant thinking) trap.

Constructive thinking begins when you perceive and accept reality as it is.

Be aware of things that are going on in your head. I mentioned earlier that fear is one of the causes of insecurity. Thinking based on unnecessary fear is always destructive.

You can use affirmations of your own or search for good affirmations on Google that suit your situation.

9. Is there Complete Security at all?

After considering major causes and ways to beat them, the question – “Is there complete security at all?” arises.

Yes! You can be secure with your loved one if you carefully handle all aspects.

Even if everything goes right throughout life, one big separation is waiting there. That is Death.

Don’t be disappointed, I’ll tell you why I included the topic of death here.

No doubt, separation is a tedious thing. But if you’re aware of the end, the present time becomes more precious to you. You’ll be able to decide which silly matters can be ignored and the importance of things or the person.

Let me share a common experience. You’re meeting your best friend after a long time. Today you have only a few minutes to spend with your friend and you’re aware of it.

How would you want that period to be?

An answer to this question will probably help you to get rid of conflict at a great phase.

10. Ask for Professional Help:

Even after going through all this, still you don’t know what to do. As a final option, You can get help from professionals. Find someone who knows practically how to solve such problems.

Conclusion:

Well, these are the ways to overcome insecurity in a relationship. Though I stressed relationships between couples here, you can use information from this and build a strong connection with other persons who are closely related to you.

I wish –May your relationship be secure and happy

Did I miss anything?

If you have anything to add from your experience, let me know in the comment section.

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