Hey Friend… Your question about How to Get Rid of Joint Family Problems clearly suggests to me that you are stuck in a Family Drama. Considering three generations- Grandparents, Parents, and children, it’s a great challenge to live in a joint family.
Data from India’s National Sample Survey (NSS) mentioned in the BBC NEWS article “Why Indians continue to live in joint families” says;
“40% of elderly couples live either without children or only with their unmarried children. This number has been increasing slowly – a six percentage points rise over 25 years.”
That means there’s a need to talk about joint family problems a bit more seriously.
Then let’s do that.
Table of Contents
Who are You?
The problem differs from person to person in a family. Depending on the roles and responsibilities, you face several challenges.
In the hierarchy of a joint family (Grandparents, Parents, Children), the role of Parents is even more tricky.
If I narrow it down further, usually a married woman suffers like anything in a joint family. So I assume my reader- You are such a passionate female desperately trying to get out of the misery.
If you’re a man trying to find solutions for family issues, read part -2. That is completely dedicated to you.
How to Solve Joint Family Problems? (For Women):
An accurate solution for any problem demands close observation and patience. Keeping this in mind, let’s discuss.
1. Understand The Family Background:
The need to understand the background arises when you want to know the reason behind the behavior, and the attitude of the family members. Clarity will help you to act in a better way.
following are the few factors that will help you to observe your family:
a. Tradition:
As you know, still there are many things going on under the name of tradition, culture, etc. especially in countries like India.
What about your family?
Have you been forced to follow a particular belief or a ritual that is harming you in any sense? If yes, then you need to find out the truth of such practices and decide whether is it worth or not.
At the same time, if you’re a non-believer of everything and you constantly try to prove others wrong, this will also bring conflict.
Do what makes sense and act according to the need.
b. Education:
Here I’m talking about the education of family members. Not exactly the formal education in its typical sense, but overall exposure to life.
Of course, there is a big difference between a completely uneducated and a person who completed 10th. The unacceptable behavior, way of talking, and dominating attitude can be seen in uneducated in some cases.
On the other extreme, people with multiple degrees or having extraordinary skills dominate others. On some occasions, a housewife is no exception.
Are there any similarities in your life? (I hope You’re not dominating either).
In case issues arise with uneducated / highly educated (both are the same if arrogance is the center point) people, being a rightly educated person You need to act carefully.
I’ll go into it when I talk about communication later as we move on.
c. Values and Systems:
At a fundamental level, every family tries to cope with the social structure. In order to execute it properly, rules and regulations are imposed on women.
For instance– assume that you belong to Family X, therefore being a woman you can not go wherever You want, attend any function, or meet your friend. This could even be as simple as your family members saying there’s no need for you to go and buy vegetables.
Sounds silly?
What I’m asking is, whether you are restricted from performing basic activities under the Family Tag.
Kindly note that I’m not questioning one’s concern about your safety.
But, You need not restrict yourself from following your hobby or passion because of your family name.
Similarly, it’s your task to monitor your actions. This will help you to prevent the possibility of making mistakes as a revolt or based on the wrong idea of freedom.
d. Lifestyle:
Another dominating factor in macro families is lifestyle.
When it comes to a nano family, living with only 2 or 3 people together, women may not feel uncomfortable taking care of the tastes and preferences of their family. The scenario is quite different in a mini-society under the same roof called Joint Family.
How?
A few things to consider:
- Around The Food:
If You’re Head Of the Department in the kitchen, you may have to struggle to find a way to satisfy everyone out there. Each one will come to the dining table with a variety of tastes and preferences. Some may have medical issues so they need a particular kind of food, children have their own menu card, and so on…
Oh! I just felt that I was writing a script for a hotel scene for a movie
In the beginning or while you’re young, you may perform multi-task quite comfortably. You may find yourself satisfied too because of your ability. But, for how long you can show consistency? Think of it.
Now, I assume for a while that You’re playing a supporting character in the kitchen, the problem arises when you happen to listen to unnecessary comments and judgments most of the time.
Culture-rich mind believes that my family members’ happiness is my happiness. By revolting to this, a modern mind murmur within that I won’t do anything my family expects me to perform.
These are two extremes. Where is your mind wandering?
The solution may be there between the two extremes.
Try to see whether you can establish a common ground of action where you perform your duties with affection without letting others use you at the same time.
As an Example– You are ready to cook everything your child likes to eat under any circumstances. You may ask “What’s wrong with it? I have the only child, if I don’t who’ll serve him/her”.
Or, you may argue that I won’t cook according to his/her preference at all. Because I won’t be free to be myself.
Well, After chewing the food matter for a long time, I can’t tell you exactly what or when to cook for your child.
Probably now you can discover for yourself how to deal with disgrace which disturbs your kitchen activities.
- Cleverness in Clothing:
Conservative families mostly have issues with women’s clothing
Again, this is a multi-dimensional and highly complicated problem.
First, you try to capture the family’s point of view on what kinds of dressing styles are avoided, what kinds of clothes are strictly prohibited for women, etc.
Then look into yourself. What are your needs, choices, opinions, and all?
Take your time and really do it. (Right now- is the best time)
Mismatch in the opinions of you and the family creates conflict. What is happening in your case?
I don’t think that I need to elaborate on clothing for a woman like you.
Generally, clothing is selected depending on the circumstances, requirements, convenience, and comfort.
Employers’ attention in a bank office must be on the work rather than on the beauty. A housewife may not feel comfortable playing with kids wearing a sari on the beach. Similarly, Your decisions vary according to the requirements.
Once you have clarity, you can communicate, convince, or fight for what is right.
2. Authority Management:
How do you define the concept of authority in a relationship?
Authority acts in two ways. You may have to follow instructions from elder members of the family. On some occasions, you need to protect your child authoritatively.
Movement of authority based only on the number of age or position has no meaning.
What place does freedom have in your life? What does it mean to you?
Is it escapism from the responsibilities? Is it complete entanglement of oneself in the compulsive actions?
Question Yourself. That may be the beginning of freedom.
3. Clarity of Roles and Responsibilities:
Married women manage different roles as a wife, daughters-in-law, Mother, and so on.
while living with a group of people having responsibility, it is important to notice the fine line of involvement.
Unnecessarily advising or questioning any family member will make you feel hurt or guilty in return. Avoid conflict before it occurs.
Even if you genuinely care for family members and they find no value, do not waste your time and energy on them.
In some situations, family members may feel hesitant to ask for help which can be done by you. If you’re trying to get rid of previous mistakes, then this could be a good opportunity to strengthen the relationship.
Manage your roles and responsibilities to the fullest of your ability. Do not compare yourself with your imaginary Best Family Manager just for the sake of comparison.
4. Family Time:
Balancing family time and personal time is a challenge for a married woman.
You may face negligence from one side and there may be people who want to spend time with you on the other side.
You can not set an exact time for a person nor can you calculatedly give your attention to somebody. It must be natural and spontaneous.
If you can make some arrangements that have the potential of bringing family together, go for it. It could be having a meal together or playing games where all members are involved.
5. Communicate Smartly:
Words have the power of construction and destruction as well.
Have you noticed people talking endlessly about every topic they come across? Such a habit destroys relationships.
An important aspect of communication is Listening. To listen to any person there must be silence in the mind. An actual listing will help you to decide whether to react or not. If the response in speaking seems necessary, your words will have accurate power and intensity.
Priority of subjects and the person with whom you’re communicating must be taken into account. Question the necessity of matters you are going to be involved in.
6. Handle All Relationships Carefully:
Handling every relationship is like solving the Rubik’s Cube.
Especially in Joint families, the game becomes much more difficult. From a woman’s point of view, she needs to deal with her husband, children, and in-laws. She can not ignore her parents too.
For the sake of understanding, I’m dividing relationships into two parts:
a. First Circle Relationships:
Under the first circle, you can consider people with whom you have an intense relationship.
Relationship with your husband, children, and other people who are living together largely influences your peace of mind in daily life.
Pay sufficient attention to this circle so that you can handle Relationship Problems comfortably. (By reading till now, You have already taken a step to upgrade your first layer of the relationship)
If you are working at the personal level, the interesting article on “How to Solve Problems in a Relationship?” of SharingShree will help you to bring more clarity.
b. Second Circle Relationship:
Here, include the people who rarely come into your contact. (or, visit your home once in a while)
How a housewife takes care of her relatives when they visit her home, is itself a big thing in most families. It is like an examination for the majority of the women out there. Her character, skills, and patience are tested in a single event. On some occasions, she receives virtual certificates like good or bad, very nice and kind, worthless, or other popular grades from relatives.
Yes! This is not a new thing for a suffering female. You may have also witnessed similar situations in one or another way.
Is it possible to handle this layer of relationship objectively?
Manage your relatives based on their nature, actual bond with your first circle, their knowledge, and experience in life.
Try to be aware of various influential factors in relationships. Knowing and understanding the main types will help you to reduce the difficulty of managing and maintaining relationships.
7. Family Vs Personal Profession:
Housewife post is one of the underrated, but the greatest profession in the world.
Due to circumstances or from their own interests, females have actively involved themselves in their careers in different fields or industries.
Compared to the men’s ratio of 76%, only 20.3% of women aged 15 and above are active in the labor force in India as of 2020.
3.2% of CEOs and Managing Directors of NSE-listed companies were women in 2014. It has increased to only 3.7% in 2019.
Anyway, one of the reasons for this kind of negligible growth could be the family conditions of women.
If you’re already a working professional, You may be familiar with management skills. You need to extend your learning to handle both your family and profession Come to contact with people who are efficiently and effectively balancing their life. It may not be possible to meet them personally, but you can read their books, watch their videos, and study them closely.
Let me assume you want to start a new career along with your household responsibilities, what can you do?
If you’re reading this blog post, that means you have access to the internet. By using this modern-day power, You can also become a producer rather than only consuming content endlessly. Think about it.
Well, if you have no issues being a housewife, it is fine. Trying to be a working woman for the sake of proving to somebody or you feel a housewife post has no value, then you may never be at peace. Decide wisely.
8. Are Hobbies Really Bringing Happiness in Your Life?
Are you doing something in the name of a hobby? Like Singing, Dancing, painting, cooking, gardening, etc…
In search of happiness, people usually include some activities under the tag hobby.
For Example- Let’s take gardening as your hobby.
Why do you grow flowers? Whom you’re growing to? Is it to get appraisals from others?
Then you won’t be happy. A hobby gives real happiness when there is no pressure to be good or to be correct always. In short- an action that is not heavily conditioned by the result, is complete in itself. Such activity is the right hobby.
The point to note here is your hobby should not be an addition to existing Family trouble.
9. Social Media and You:
I’m not here to advise you not to use social platforms.
Simply be a little conscious of the content you consume and your range of contact in social media.
Artificial Intelligence and Artificial People both impact negatively in many ways. The majority of people find it difficult to differentiate between virtual reality and absolute reality.
Your failure to notice the fake ideas, people’s updates, and show-offs may make you feel worse than the actual situation.
If you’re already aware and responsibly acting on this, then there is nothing to say. You can also make some offline friends, where you actually can experience the depth of friendship.
10. Respect Yourself:
I have heard some housewives saying “I’m lost in family matters, there’s no individuality, my life is dedicated only to satisfying others” (with few drops in their eyes).
These are words of helplessness. I hope you have not yet reached that stage of thinking. I wish you may not go so far where you feel the heat of helplessness.
Look at what you possibly can do.
Do not forget or neglect your own health in the name of sacrifice to the family. It is useless.
Respecting oneself doesn’t mean boosting the ego. But taking care of one’s own being in every possible manner.
A healthy diet and, the right kind of activity- like playing any sport, dance, or something like that is necessary. You may say that I do a variety of work so why should I perform something else in the name of fitness?
Do you know something about airplane checking after it lands every time? They don’t assume it to be perfectly alright by saying that “it has just landed, so everything must be okay”. Simply filling the fuel tank and flying is not enough in the case of an airplane.
The same goes with your health and lifestyle too. Check it often.
Your ability to solve family problems is highly dependent on your physical health and psychological strength. Do not forget yourself. Take Care.
Frequently Asked Questions:
1. Why is it hard to live in a joint family?
The complexity of problems increases proportionally to the number of people in the family. The difficulty of prioritizing individual life, the family as a whole, and the lack of privacy make it hard to live in a joint family.
2. Who are the worst sufferers of joint family systems?
The responsible wife and her husband are the worst sufferers of a joint family system. Because they need to cope-up the two different generations like grandparents and children along with their own relationship needs.
3. Is leaving the joint family the best solution?
If careful examination of the situation from every side tells leaving the family is the option, then that may be the best solution. But it mustn’t be the first solution. Because where there are people, there are also problems irrespective of family or society.
4. Are enduring problems better than striving for the right solution?
It’s okay to endure silly problems. But it becomes dangerous when others treat your enduring capacity as your weakness. The unsolved problems are the poisonous seeds that hurt in the long run. Hence, it’s better to solve them as soon as possible.
Conclusion:
After reading so far patiently, You’re feeling much better with heightened clarity, aren’t you?
Of course, You may feel confused somewhere in the article. That’s because of the nature of the subject. You can go back and read it again. That will remove your doubts.
I hope you found ways to deal with joint family problems. You may not be successful right after closing this tab, but the facing next challenge will be much easier with the least effort and conflict than before.
Was there any moment where you saw yourself or the person whom you know in the article? Comment below.
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Author and Publisher
Shreenidhi K
Hey, I’m Shreenidhi. I have created SharingShree to mutually learn and share content including experience and knowledge gathering while providing online marketing services for businesses through OnlineShree. Know More.